4/24 Weigh In

I had my weigh in tonight

I lost 3.2 lbs this week.

I am not too thrilled with it. But I know it's my fault this week.

I haven't been out to walk as much (I've been WAAAAY too scared to leave the pup at home alone)

Yesyesyes I know that's an excuse. It makes me feel terrible.

Now that I know she is fine I can feel more at ease leaving her here and going on walks again.

I still want to find some at home exercises I can do (since the gym is no option due to lack of money)

Start weight 3/27/13- 321.4

4/3/13- 312.4

4/10/13- 307.4

4/17/13- 300.4 

Current weight 4/24/13- 297.2

Aside from all of that....I AM OUT OF THE 300'S!!!!!!

This is the lowest I have weighed in 3 years now.

Pup update and pics

  For starters a little update on the pup (who still has no name). She is doing FANTASTIC! We took her to the vet yesterday just to get some confirmation that what we're doing is best for her and that she's okay. Well they said she is really healthy! =D =D She's about 9 days old now. Almost every flea is gone I've seen one or two) The only thing that concerns me is she doesn't want to eat very often (about every 5-6 hrs) and it varies how much she will eat. I think she'll be ready to open her eyes very soon. You can see her eyelids forming more and there are little tears in the corner of her eyes. I'm excited about this. I feel bad in some ways though..I'm not sure we'll be keeping her we might just be taking care of her until she's old enough to go to a new home. =( My boys are LOVING this little girl though =\

  I have my weigh in tomorrow. I'm not too sure how I feel about it again. My body hates me right now (or it feels like it anyway) I had my period end Tuesday of last week..I had the joy of starting it again today. This is after 6+ months of not having one AT ALL. =\ I just feel gross. And no I am not saying I don't know how I feel about my weigh in because of what I've been eating. Because I have stuck to my "diet" 100% since I started 4 weeks ago.
  I have to say though today I made the boys peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and it was so tempting to take a spoon of peanut butter and just eat it. I went and grabbed some cold green tea instead =)

 Do you notice any difference? I see some..not a whole lot though.

To me...it doesn't look like I've lost 21 lbs.

 ALSO!!! I am excited..I got this shirt below at Kohls. At 321.4 I was having a hard time even finding stuff in a 3x there that would fit me. This shirt is a 3x and it's a little big. (I know a 3x is NOTHING to be proud of but...it does show that I am getting smaller)

  Some days just suck.. Before I started this whole journey food would be my go to for everything. I ate when I was bored, when I was angry, when I was sad, nervous, happy etc etc etc. Smoking cigarettes was my go to for everything too.. So...I've cut out smoking and I've cut out eating insanely. I'm not really sure how to channel my anger now though. What do I do? I'm trying to figure this one out and I'm not really sure I've gotten anywhere with what to do yet.
 
  I decided to go through some old stuff today to try to get rid of some of it and to see what I can put out in a yard sale. It's turned into a nightmare. I planned on doing it while the boys were napping but both of them decided not to nap today (FRUSTRATING) So I got the stuff out while I was waiting on them to fall asleep...and now it's all over my bedroom. I would go put it all away right now but there's no way I'm going to get it done since the boys will just come in there and mess with everything.

  For whatever insane reason I decided to add a puppy to the mix (we have a 6 day old puppy that was neglected by the momma) Of course the poor baby has fleas and she has worms. I've done a fairly good job of getting the fleas off without any flea spray. But I can't start deworming her until she's 2 weeks old. We just got her yesterday. I was afraid she was going to die where she was staying..I stayed up for a good majority of the night worrying about her thinking she was going to stop breathing or something. Plus she wasn't wanting to eat last night but she's done amazing today. We're not sure what kind of dog she is (the previous person said the mom had the dogs under their house and the mom took off with the other puppies)

  Anyway eating differently hasn't been too bad. Some days it's a tad frustrating. Like last night for instance...my children begged me to make cookies with them (it's something we always enjoy doing) So I caved in and we bought to stuff to make cookies..Normally I would eat some of the dough and I'd taste a cookie as soon as it got done cooking..well not last night. As much as I wanted to I didn't. I have lost 21 pounds in 3 weeks and there is no friggin way I am going to ruin it by eating sweets.

4/17 weigh in!

This is going to be super short because today has been insanely hectic!

I went to my weigh in at 6pm...

I lost 7lbs

Start weight 3/27/13- 321.4

4/3/13- 312.4

4/10/13- 307.4

current weight 4/17/13- 300.4 

(That little consistent .4 annoys me for some reason)

PROUD

 I started to type up a new entry last night and got distracted by a few other things going on. I saved it and meant to finish it up this morning but that didn't happen either.

 I feel like crap..my back feels like I pinched a nerve. That didn't stop me from walking today though. I actually made myself jog for a minute then walk and repeat. On the way back home I tried to push it and actually RUN. It felt pretty awesome. I can't wait to get to a point where I can actually run for longer periods of time. I haven't taken to boys the past few days. They've skipped out on naps an I know there's no way they'd make it around the neighborhood without stopping a million times. I guess we need to start walking first thing in the morning again. 

I was a bit disappointed Monday...Sunday morning I put on a few rings of mine (which I haven't been able to wear in awhile) and they actually fit without being tight. I was beyond excited. I go to put them on Monday morning and they still fit but felt a lot tighter than they did Sunday morning. =( Not sure if it was because mother nature decided to show her ugly face or what! I didn't even want to try them on today because I felt I would be disappointed.

 I have to say I am beyond proud of myself. I have not caved into eating/drinking any junk food. I bought some light soy milk yesterday (I've always loved the taste of soy milk but no one else in my house liked it) Feels great to be drinking it again and having something other than water 24/7. You know...it has been 3 weeks now since I've had cookies, candy, ice cream, chips, soda, sweet tea, any kind of pasta, potato (I've had sweet potato though), bread, rice. All the stuff I thought I couldn't live without. Yes there are times I still want to eat the stuff but I know myself...and if I take just one little bite of those things I will sit there and eat the rest of whatever it is until it's all gone. I can NOT afford to do that!! It makes me feel good to have my kids get excited every time I have a weigh in and I can tell them I've lost weight. They tell me they're so proud of me. <3 <3 I just wish I hadn't let myself get this far. But I did and I am in the progress of fixing it and moving forward in my life.

OH yeah! I have another weigh in tomorrow. I'm a tad nervous because I can't see any weight loss in myself this week...But I have been eating healthy. So we'll see =)

Tried this shirt on over a month ago and it was skin tight on me...

Craving?

 I took the boys to Lowe's today to build. =) They got to make a planter box.  After that we ran some errands and went home. Made them lunch and Aiden wouldn't eat (he didn't eat breakfast either) so I made them take naps since they decided to start acting up. They wake up from naps and I figure we'll go play outside since it's nice...that didn't work out too well. They just wanted to scream and cry because there were bees flying around. I don't get it...They LOVE playing outside. Not today apparently.

 I decided to eat my salad with chicken and italian dressing for lunch instead of waiting until dinner time. So I had a protein bar and shake for dinner. The boys had porkchops and mashed potatoes but neither one of them would eat (again) I'm not really sure what's going on with them and not wanting to eat. Didn't get out to go for my walk today either which I'm pretty bummed out about. I've been doing awesome with getting out to walk everyday. Maybe I'll double it up tomorrow then. I feel so much better after a nice walk. Maybe that's why I've been a grump today.

 I am CRAVING chocolate. Oh my goodness...I don't really know why but I want to just grab a whole bucket of chocolate and eat it all. BUT I am not going to. There's actually no chocolate in my house, the boys are asleep so I'm not going out to the store, AND I just don't want to eat it because I know if I do...I will ruin everything. I am not going to let myself down with losing this weight. So that means...no eating foods I shouldn't be eating no matter how much I want them!!

We had a call today and I decided to respond to it from my house..It ended up being a 13-18minute drive to get there and when I arrive all I see is a fire truck on the side of the road..I missed the house so I turned around to head back and someone else from my station was in front of me..Turns out we got cancelled as soon as we got there (but they never announce it over the pagers) The pt was already deceased so they didn't need our assistance. =( I never like hearing that someone has died but at least it wasn't another dead person that I had to see or that I had to work on. Those ones are though. I think it's just because I'm new to all of this still...

I think I'm going to head to bed a little bit early tonight. I am VERY tired. It's cold and super comfy in my room.

Demon Children

My kids were complete demon children today. It's frustrating when you want to get out and walk and they prevent you from that. I know "You should have more control over them" Yadda yadda yadda. I got both boys dressed and put jackets on them since it was morning and a tad chilly (and because the oldest I guess I'll call him Scooby...was sick all day yesterday). Scooby tells me he wants to ride his bike instead of walk so I let him or I try to let him anyway. We get to the corner of our street and he whines and cries that it's up hill and he can't do it (It's not up hill at all by the way) So there's Scooby with his bike struggling, the youngest (I'll call him Monkey) in the stroller whining about not wanting to sit down and our insane dog Sadie. Annnnd then our neighbor stops me, he wants to talk since he hasn't seen me in awhile (this is a guy that I grew up around, always went to his house to play with his daughter). I like the guy, he's nice but I just wanted to go and get to walking! We chat a bit and I'm getting ready to start walking again, of course Scooby has to boo hoo some more. So I make him take his bike back up to the house and he gets an attitude saying he can ride his bike if he wants to and he can put his bike in the backyard if he wants. I had it..I put the bike and the helmet in the shed, put Sadie in the backyard, go in the house and tell the boys to march their butts to their beds and just take a nap. Guess what....They actually fell asleep within 5minutes.

We ended up going on a walk not until 4:45 though. To make my day even more amazing, Monkey shattered the screen on my phone and I cut my finger from it. I have to pay $50 to replace it (probably just the screen) or I have to buy an all new phone both of which I am lacking the funds.

I've really been putting off doing my con ed to keep up my emt certification and I finally did 2 of the tests today. So that makes 5 total that I've done and two more to go. I still have until April 28. I've passed all of them on the first try but didn't score as well as I hoped. Whoever created those tests needed to use spell check or something. Half of the medical terms were spelled completely wrong!

I really need to find something else to do to get exercise in. Walking is great but I know there's so much more I could be doing. I need to find something that isn't going to cost me money either. I am definitely broke for the time being. I guess I'll be looking into finding some online videos or maybe something on-demand..I wonder if there are actually work out videos on-demand. Hmm I'll have to check tomorrow!
Maybe I can get the kids involved in doing some exercise too.

Weigh-In Wednesday

Last night took me quite awhile to fall asleep, it's insanely hot in my house!

There's a total of 4 fans going in my room.

I think I finally fell asleep around 1am annnnd my oldest wakes me up screaming at 4am. He said he was seeing all kinds of stuff around his room (thinking it was just shadows)

Poor guy was sweating and hot as can be..I thought it was just because our house is hot and when he sleeps his body gets pretty warm. Turned out to be a fever though and hasn't went away the whole day. =(

Luckily it's a low grade temp. Anyway, so him waking up screaming woke the other one up aw well and here it is 4:30am and I have two little boys in my bed asleep with their legs and arms all over me.

I couldn't get back to sleep that way so I slept on the couch.

I still love drinking my protein shakes for breakfast and honestly I love drinking half of one for lunch along with a protein bar. It makes it easier on me because I already know what I'm going to eat and I don't have to sit there wondering what to make. I usually just ended up snacking instead of making something anyway.

I don't mind eating carrots everyday but they have to be raw and I love salad so I have no problem eating this for dinner every night either =)

Yesterday I made a coconut cream pie for my family. It smelled VERY good.

I did NOT eat a piece (I did try a very very small bite though) I at least wanted to taste it since it was the first time I've made one! Just that bite though made my tummy feel gross.

I know it's not very long but I have not eaten chips, candy, cookies, drank soda/sweet tea in two weeks now.

Now  on to my results for tonight!!!

Start weight (3.27.13) 321.4 lbs

(4.3.13) 312.4 lbs [-9]

Today (4.10.13) 307.4 lbs [-5]

Not a whole lot of difference but there's some right?!

=)

Today almost felt like Christmas for me!

I got a job shirt (FINALLY) from the Dept.

Yes I am insanely excited about this!

Robbie gave me a pink medical bag. Which I looove.

I also got a gear bag finally!

So my turnout gear can finally fit in one bag =D

Ohhh and we had the helicopter from cmc come to our station today, which was pretty nice.

The boys, the dog and I went for our walk again today.

It's starting to definitely become a daily thing =)

I have to say though it was a bit harder with my sister being back at her house.

The lil one sat in the stroller, the older one walked.

It's awesome to see them get excited about going for a walk, I'm sure they just get excited about it because they know the walk leads to going to the playground. 

Who can blame em for that though...

Tonight I slacked off on dinner

I made a salad with nothing but 2tbsp lite ranch.

1c carrots

I was in a hurry and didn't really want to waste time cooking.

Which I am regretting now! I am super hungry.

I'm definitely not going to eat anything though, just going to sit here sipping my water.

I'd love to get some sleep but it's so hot in my room right now!

It's insane how hot this one room gets.

I think I might need to go sit in some coold water for a bit to cool down or something.

My youngest is sick today =( He woke me up at 6am puking.

He's such a trooper though. Wanted to do all the stuff his brother and I were doing.

We went for a walk and make it about half way of where I want to and he freaks out telling me he needs to poop. There was no where I could take him! 

He cried and cried saying he couldn't walk because he'd have diarrhea. 

Sooo I got to carry him along with walking the dog on her leash.

That is not something I want to have to do again!!

We did end up walking for about 30 minutes though.

I accidentally skipped my morning snack today. =\

By the time I realized it it was lunch time.

Soo instead of my half a shake and protein bar, I had a whole shake (160 calories) and a protein bar.

I almost feel bad about what I had for dinner tonight..

I ate 6 oz brisket (468calories)

1/2 c carrots (35calories)

1 tbsp Gates bbq sauce(17.5calories)

Soo my dinner ended up being 520.5calories =(

It's more than I expected, I guess I should have looked up to see how much the brisket would be before I ate it.

But my daily total was still only 1220.5calories. (I was told to keep it under 1500)

I am NOT using that as an excuse to eat whatever I'd like.

I regret eating that enough as it is..

Funday

I am EXHAUSTED.

I'm pretty sure I made up for not walking yesterday. (Well not being able to get out and walk)

I took the boys and my sister to the zoo. =)

We left our house around 10:30 and arrived there around 11:40, got inside and decided to go ahead and eat our lunch since it was getting later than we normally eat lunch.

We got done with that around 12:30..

Soooo from about 12:30-4 we walked and walked and walked some more.

It felt nice though! The last time we went to the zoo, I was still a smoker and walking around about killed me (or I felt like it was going to anyway)

So it felt great this time to be able to walk without having to stop to breathe every few minutes.

=) 

I packed lunches from home. The kids had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, grapes, and water.

I had 1/2 a chocolate protein shake (Premier Protein) and a chocolate deluxe bar (pure protein)

I also brought snacks for everyone.

I had an apple and a lite string cheese.

yuuuum.

Dinner I just had a salad with 2 tbsp lite ranch, and 4 oz ham and 1 cup of carrots on the side.

I think it's time for me to head to bed.

I haven't actually been this tired in awhile.

Rainy day =(

Today dragged on and on and...on some more.

The kids woke me up early!!

I got them some cereal and milk.

I had my vanilla protein shake and a cup of coffee (with truvia and sugar free vanilla creamer)

Got everyone dressed and the dog on the leash..

We got the the corner of our street and it starts raining =(

While I would have walked by myself in the rain, there's no way I would let my kids walk 45 minutes in the coooold rain. They get sick so easily.

We walked back up the street, into the house and that's when the day went to shit.

The boys were insane since they were stuck in the house, the dog went crazy because she wanted outside but wasn't willing to go out in the rain! Did I mention my little sister was a royal pain in the ass as well?!

AND I was disappointed because I was really looking forward to walking today.

Maybe somehow tomorrow I can double my walk.

I have some testing online I need to finish up so I can keep up with my emt certifications but I have been slacking off with those! (luckily I still have until the end of the month)

I should probably be doing those instead of updating this.

I've been keeping my calorie intake under 1200 which I'm kind of surprised at.

I was told I could eat around 1400-1500 and I'd still lose weight.

I just haven't been able to get that high though (which I'm fine with)

My dinner tonight was actually pretty awesome.

I had 

-4 pork & chicken links (170calories)

-2 egg whites (34 calories)

-1.5 C salad with 2 tbsp lite ranch (85 calories)

even had a little desert tonight

-Sugar free chocolate pudding

-70 calories

I was a tad jealous of what my family was eating (at first!)

They had french toast and sausage.

But the bread smelled sooo good.

Weekly weigh in

Today was a pretty good day =)

Took the kids, my sister, and the dog for another walk today!

Walked about 30 minutes around the neighborhood, then let them play at the playground, and walked back home  afterwards. So it ended up being about a 45 min walk.

I didn't really notice until today...

I can breathe so much better when I walk now that I quit smoking! (I quit in December)

I don't have much to really say tonight buuuuut...

I had my weekly weigh in today!

I have to say it went better than I expected it too.

Start weight 321.4 (3/27/13)

Today's weight 312.4 (4/3/13)

Okay so I know there's not a HUGE difference. But I can see a small difference in my neck.
It may not be any major change but it's small things like this that make me look forward to losing more weight. =)

I love the people I go to! When I was leaving the nurse looked at me and said "See less of you next week!"
Made me feel good.

Loong day

Today felt like it dragged on forever!

Took the boys and my little sister to get pictures done...

Let's just say I was not too thrilled with how they turned out.

I ended up only ordering one of my boys together and one of my sister.

Did I mention the people were extremely rude?!

After pictures we ran around doing some errands. 

I made sure when I left the house this morning to pack lunches and snacks for myself and the kids.

This helped out sooo much!

Yeah it took some extra time to get everything together..

but it was so worth it.

Dinner tonight consisted of:

-1.5 cups salad with 1/2 cup broccoli, 2 tbsp lite ranch, and 4 oz ham (leftover from Easter!)

-1 cup carrots

I had a nice cup of coffee with 1 tbsp sugar free vanilla creamer and 3 packs Truvia. 

I'm slowly trying to get myself to use less sweeteners in my coffee!

Went for a late walk with my little sister and Sadie (the dog). It was a short (15min) walk but it was late out and starting to get chilly. Sadie was beyond excited! As soon as I grabbed her leash she jumped all over wagging her tail around then came up to me and sat so I could put it on her =)

Looks like these walks aren't just good for me but for the kids and the dog too.

My weekly weigh in is tomorrow and I'm definitely anticipating it.

Gross Veggies

Today I fully planned on getting pictures taken of the boys and my little sister.

That didn't happen =( The picture place we like was closed.

So hopefully tomorrow!

I went on a 45 minute walk with the boys, my little sister, and our insane golden retriever Sadie today.

It actually felt awesome to get out and walk! 

The weather was nice (ended up being in the low 70's here)

I asked a few friends for suggestions on veggies to eat, went to the store and bought what they suggested.

I grilled asparagus, zucchini, and eggplant. It all looked good....

But the taste was horrible!
At least I tried it and even got my little sister to try it as well.
 Maybe I am better off sticking with my raw carrots and broccoli.

Besides the veggies being gross dinner was a success!

I had...

-4oz turkey burger(no bun!) topped with a thin slice of tomato and a thin slice of red onion and a slice of reduced fat provolone
Did I mention...I got my 4 yr old to eat a turkey burger as well! And he LOVED it. =D =D

-1/2 cup carrots

-1 sugar free chocolate pudding (as my snack) 

I used to always make sure I had some sort of snack after dinner...but since starting this "diet" I've tried not to make it a nightly thing even if it is a snack that isn't terribly fatty.

I'm starting to get a tad nervous about my weigh in Wednesday I am hoping to step on that scale and see some weight loss (even if it's just a pound or two!)